Hello my name is Jessica and I have two kids.

This morning at the Luckett's was an epic fail.  Let's just start off by saying the kids woke up at 5 AM.  Yes, that's right - before the rooster crows or whatever the saying is...  By 5:30 Caroline was whining to get on the computer and Abigail had located the iPad meanwhile momma was not yet caffeinated.

Fast forward two hours and lunches were made, bags were packed, water bottles filled, take home folder signed, we were almost ready to go except for one teensy detail.  Abby.  She was still naked with the exception of her new gold sequined Cat & Jack shoes I picked up at Target yesterday (adorable!).  The good news was that she had been bathed- so just as soon as we got her panties, shirt/pants on - we were good to go.  No worries, right?  No, not right - not right at all... Abigail decided this morning was perfect for declining any of the "controlled choices" I presented in front of her.  She hated them all.  This is very typical behavior for my second child - but on this particular morning we were running out of time.  

So, what to do?  I did my best to put on her favorite ruffly pants and found a matching shirt.  She started crying, so I carried to her the car, buckled her in and explained we had to leave and she needed to wear a shirt.

We arrive at school, walk Caroline in, and then go back to the car.  I agree to take her back home to change into something she would rather wear and that's exactly what we did.  My goal in taking her back was to avoid the most recent melt down at drop off happening the last few mornings.  And my plan failed.  She was a hot mess going into school.  She didn't want to be there.  The teacher mentioned to me they had noticed this "change" in behavior too.  The once sweet, amenable Abby had turned into a threenager over night.  The teacher suggested that she is seeking attention.  And that's when it happened.  ALERT. ALERT. MOM GUILT AHEAD.  Suddenly I realized that all of the time we were investing in Caroline to get her acclimated to Kindergarten had backfired in the form of Abigail's behavior.  I felt terrible.   Tears rolling down my face, I put my sunglasses on and started out the door.  I'm thinking...Really? this is sooo hard.  I feel like Abigail is always getting attention. She's in my lap, in my arms, in MY BED... how can she need MORE attention? 

Having two kids can be so hard. At first it's all about their safety, then suddenly it because something so different.  You have two little humans that look to you for everything and at times they need different things from you - simultaneously.  And those are the times life can feel impossible.

My best friend called this morning.  I think she has a sixth sense about those days when I need to hear her voice.  She is also a mother of 2 and she told me something I needed to hear.  Grace.  You have to give yourself some grace.  Life is messy.  Some mornings totally suck. So you have to just pick up yourself off the floor, wipe the tears and move forward with the goal of being better the next time your kids wake up at 5 AM.

So this afternoon I'm going to look Abigail in the eyes, ask her more questions and spend more "big girl" time with her because it's clear that she's paying attention.  She's a smart cookie and I suppose it's time for me to step up my game with her too.

xoxo
jessica