gonna blog again y'all!

Last post was in the fall of 2016.  My oldest had started kinder and we were adjusting to a new morning routine of avoiding tardies.  20+ tardies and almost 4 years later, I have logged back into the old blog.

So. much. happened. to our little family in the last few years.  For starters, Dan's accident.  Anyone who is close to us knows how much my poor husband was put through. When I say I don't know how many surgeries - I'm not being dramatic.  I really do not know!  I lost count.  Maybe 14? 15?  His strength was and is palatable. War hero status in my eyes.

 And then there's my situation with my brain shunt.  That little shunt that I had for 39 years + some change and all of the sudden by the pool with Jen my neck starts to hurt last July.  A few days later after nothing seems to help, I go into the doctor  and literally on the way in, I realize that the pain is right in the same place as the catheter in my neck from the shunt that I was given as a baby.  If I had failed to mention that detail, she would have prescribed muscle relaxers and who knows what would have happened next. Thank Jesus I remembered to tell her- which alerted her to an ultrasound that showed the catheter was compromised.  Next was 3 days in major pain at Baylor Mckinney only to be released with some new information that fluid was in my neck - meaning the shunt was still operative.  Shocker....  But no doctor referral.  Was told to "go find a shunt specialist" --  Fast forward 2 days after not being able to sit up, walk, eat, really anything, I made the hardest decision of my life to leave for UTSouthwestern - knowing that I wouldn't be back anytime soon.  Having no clue what would happen next.   I get to the ER with my mom and sister (dan stayed with the girls) and God was was with me.  Because the surgeon on call is now my forever surgeon.  Dr. Toral Patel has saved me in more ways than one.  She is not only brilliant -but also caring and generous.  She "gets" me and looks out for me.  I'm tearing up as a write this.  Look for the blessings guys.  They are there if you look for them.  She was and is a big one for me.

So you may ask why I'm back in the hospital.  It all comes back to the fact that my old shunt was really really old.  Literally no one has a VP shunt for that long.  No. one.   And the catheter that goes from my brain down to through my abdomen is in small pieces that will disintegrate when they are touched.  Some of those pieces still had bacteria on them (despite 11 days of IV antibiotics) and over the next six months that bacteria crept onto my new equipment.  After lots and lots of antibiotics, we made the heart crushing decision to bring me back in for a second time.  In order to fight the bacteria, we had to pull out the new shunt, as well as attempt to retrieve more of the old shunt.   That surgery went well.  She was able to get a 6 cm piece from in between my breasts - which had been a "hot zone" for the infection.

On the 23rd my new shunt will be put in and I will begin more recovery.  I'm so looking forward to being home but not really looking forward to the recovery time.  It was hard last time.  Maybe better (hopefully better) this time - but the brain does what it wants.  So we shall see.

Lots of medical crap. Lots of tears. Lots of recovery and also lots of love.  "In sickness and health" is something I think we all say and assume (and hope) won't be a thing until we're old and gray.  And when you find yourself helping your partner through a horrific situation way before then, you realize what those words really mean.

Maren Morris wrote a song called "Bones" and it speaks to me like no other.

these lyrics get me. 

We're in the homestretch of the hard times
We took a hard left, but we're alrightYeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but
We built this right, so nothing's ever gonna move it
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain 'cause you and I remain the same
When there ain't a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we're facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don't fall when the bones are good
Can't even mess it up, although we both try
No, it don't always go the way we planned it
But the wolves came and went and we're still standing

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

And now we have more challenges ahead.  THE CORONA.  WTF y'all?  And It's like I'm in a fishbowl watching this happen around me because the lock-down/social distancing happened right as I entered the hospital.  I was fortunate to have my mom with me for the first few days -but made her go home last Saturday and have only seen Dan once since.  And my babies can't be up here. Talk about big girl panties.  Been wearing them for almost 2 weeks now.

Gonna pray for all of us that we can get through this time and somehow come through on the other side stronger better people.  That at the end of day we remember what matters and what is just "fluff." Know the real meaning  of #firstworldproblems and focus each other.   I'm still optimistic that this will happen but like everyone else - still panicking on the inside about the unknowns.  Gonna have to up my prayer game for sure.

Until next time!
-Jessica

PS. if you got to the bottom of this post and your name isn't Marcia Carrithers (my mom), I applaud you.  I realize I'm a rambling socially starved extrovert right now with a tube sticking out of my head waiting for surgery.  Just needing outlets right now, lol.

Expectations

Last week after I wrote about the epic fail morning, I got a call from my little sister. And even though she may be younger than me by a few years, she's always been the "common sense - give it to you straight" voice that I need to hear.  That day was no exception.

She started in by saying, "I just read your blog post.  You are a great writer, but I've got to tell you -- your day didn't really sound that bad.  What's your deal?"  (Typical sister real talk going on here...)

I explained that maybe I didn't go into ALL of the detail about how the convo with Abby's teacher went down and how bad I felt leaving the school feeling like her behavior was direct result of my actions.  I also didn't go into that much detail on the blog about how we were so close to being late to school and I lost my cool as the girls were getting out the door.  Either way, she reminded me of a piece of advice that I have been known to give to my other mommy friends when they are freaking out about life's messes.  Lower your expectations. Sometimes it's fair to ask if maybe your expectations are too high... Maybe a clean house, clean kids, home cooked dinner, great day at work, perfect bed routine, perfect morning routine kind of day is just a little bit unreasonable to attain. And on the off chance it does happen, then congratulations, the stars aligned for you that day!

My husband is an avid fisherman.  He loves it. He literally does not know when to quit and sometimes he chases the dream of the very rare day where fishing is at it's best and stories that he can tell his buddies about are created.  Most fishing trips aren't so lucky. But he still goes. He still enjoys the experience.  Optimistic, sure. He'll be out on the water ALL day casting away, thinking, "this is the one" and it doesn't happen. Eventually the sun sets and they pull the boat in and call it a day. Whether he caught 10 or caught none, he had fun.  If his expectation was to break records every trip, he would have quit fishing a long, long time ago.

As odd as this sounds, I need to take a lesson from Dan's fishing style. Every day may not be the perfect catch kind of day - but it still can be fun.  The girls are so cute and say the best things. They love each other and they love their family. They are developing their own voice and cherish their time together, given that time has really dwindled since Caroline started kinder.  They do get incredibly distracted at times and have MAJOR opinions on their choice of outfit - regardless of appropriateness, and frankly that's ok. My expectation of every morning operating like clockwork should at this point in our life,  just go out the window.  All I need to do is make sure I'm caffeinated and carry on... Is there room for improvement in our overall routine, yes - - but do I need to kill myself when things go crazy, NO.

And yes, you may wonder how our mornings have gone since last week and I'll just say - they've been a hot mess.  Waking up the girls at 6:30 AM is HARD!  If I let them sleep in, they seem to think they still have the same amount of time to get ready... Sense of urgency is apparently a hard thing to learn at the age of 5 - forget about 2.  The only thing at this point that is going to change is how I react to the crazy.  And honestly maybe her first tardy might be a good lesson for her to learn in the long run!

xoxo
jessica

Hello my name is Jessica and I have two kids.

This morning at the Luckett's was an epic fail.  Let's just start off by saying the kids woke up at 5 AM.  Yes, that's right - before the rooster crows or whatever the saying is...  By 5:30 Caroline was whining to get on the computer and Abigail had located the iPad meanwhile momma was not yet caffeinated.

Fast forward two hours and lunches were made, bags were packed, water bottles filled, take home folder signed, we were almost ready to go except for one teensy detail.  Abby.  She was still naked with the exception of her new gold sequined Cat & Jack shoes I picked up at Target yesterday (adorable!).  The good news was that she had been bathed- so just as soon as we got her panties, shirt/pants on - we were good to go.  No worries, right?  No, not right - not right at all... Abigail decided this morning was perfect for declining any of the "controlled choices" I presented in front of her.  She hated them all.  This is very typical behavior for my second child - but on this particular morning we were running out of time.  

So, what to do?  I did my best to put on her favorite ruffly pants and found a matching shirt.  She started crying, so I carried to her the car, buckled her in and explained we had to leave and she needed to wear a shirt.

We arrive at school, walk Caroline in, and then go back to the car.  I agree to take her back home to change into something she would rather wear and that's exactly what we did.  My goal in taking her back was to avoid the most recent melt down at drop off happening the last few mornings.  And my plan failed.  She was a hot mess going into school.  She didn't want to be there.  The teacher mentioned to me they had noticed this "change" in behavior too.  The once sweet, amenable Abby had turned into a threenager over night.  The teacher suggested that she is seeking attention.  And that's when it happened.  ALERT. ALERT. MOM GUILT AHEAD.  Suddenly I realized that all of the time we were investing in Caroline to get her acclimated to Kindergarten had backfired in the form of Abigail's behavior.  I felt terrible.   Tears rolling down my face, I put my sunglasses on and started out the door.  I'm thinking...Really? this is sooo hard.  I feel like Abigail is always getting attention. She's in my lap, in my arms, in MY BED... how can she need MORE attention? 

Having two kids can be so hard. At first it's all about their safety, then suddenly it because something so different.  You have two little humans that look to you for everything and at times they need different things from you - simultaneously.  And those are the times life can feel impossible.

My best friend called this morning.  I think she has a sixth sense about those days when I need to hear her voice.  She is also a mother of 2 and she told me something I needed to hear.  Grace.  You have to give yourself some grace.  Life is messy.  Some mornings totally suck. So you have to just pick up yourself off the floor, wipe the tears and move forward with the goal of being better the next time your kids wake up at 5 AM.

So this afternoon I'm going to look Abigail in the eyes, ask her more questions and spend more "big girl" time with her because it's clear that she's paying attention.  She's a smart cookie and I suppose it's time for me to step up my game with her too.

xoxo
jessica

A new chapter is here!

Hi!  We're back - well we actually never went anywhere -but I stopped blogging because, for lack of a better excuse, we got busy.

And, I have exciting news to share...  Not too long ago I noticed that the Dallas Moms Blog was seeking contributors to their new sister blog - Collin County Moms Blog.  And without really thinking, I applied!  And now it's official -  I'm a contributor for the Collin County Moms Blog. Yay!!  

So in an effort to keep me fresh and brush off the dust to that creative side of my brain, I need to write again and here is where I will do my best to talk about life at the Luckett house.  

Make sure to follow the Collin County Moms Blog coming October 17th and look for new, fresh content from legit Collin County contributors like me :) 

Hugs! 

Jessica 

My momma...

Today is my mom's birthday. I won't disclose her age of course, but let's just say that she looks damn good :)  And to my sister and I - there is no one in this world that could ever live up to her in our eyes.  She's the most selfless, humble, stable, calming, strong, affectionate person I know.  And she's my mom.  I'm so very very lucky.

Today was a perfect example of how fortunate I am to have her around.  In typical "Jessica" style, BOTH sets of car keys got locked in the car this morning.  So, minutes - literally minutes - after calling to wish my sweet momma happy birthday, I'm calling her back to ask for help.  And to the rescue, she came.  She picked all three of us up.  (Fortunately, she is equipped with an infant base and toddler car seat).  She took Caroline to school and then took Abigail and I to the dealership for a key.  She missed her weekly Bible study class for us and didn't once make me feel bad about it.  We completely inconvenienced her morning (her BIRTHDAY no less) and she was her same amazing happy self to my girls and I.

By 10:30, Abigail and I were back home with keys in hand.  I hate to admit that this is only one of many, many rescues over the course of my 30+ years.  Time and time again, she's always there for me, and I only hope that I can always be there for her too.

Happy birthday mom/ninny!  We love you sooooooo much!!!

Love,
Dan, Jess, Caroline and Abigail.

P.S.  Sorry your cupcake was dry.  We will do better next time!

Back to School!

Oh how easy it is to neglect a blog that you promised you wouldn't neglect...  But, there's this thing called life that gets in the way and we have had a very busy month!

Let's see here...

Daddy had surgery to remove a growth in his wrist. Abigail started crawling and pulling up. She also decided her favorite game is picking small grains of dirt, etc off the floor and putting them into her mouth.  And finally, Miss Caroline has started her 2nd year of pre-k at Hope School.  Doesn't sound like much - but between the little dirt picker upper and daddy's lack of use in his right hand - we've definitely been busy!

Today was our first day of school.  I decided to leave her in Tues/Thurs this year after an unfortunate incident in the church nursery last Tuesday while I was in my new Bible study class.  Let's just say that Caroline's boredom turned into a behavioral issue.  The good news is that she will make new friends in her new class and also have her old buddy Piper to play with as well. 

She was ready to go this morning, all decked out in her Sofia the first shirt and shoes.  And I wasn't really emotional this time around.  I trust the teachers and know that Caroline has such an awesome time.  BUT... when I got home, I downloaded the pic I took this morning and compared it to last year.   Wow! My baby is a little girl!!!  

Keepin' it short and sweet today.   Best wishes to all the new little students out there!  What an exciting time of year!

Closet Makeover

Latest news from the Luckett clan centers around our patriarch... Dan will have surgery on his wrist to remove a cyst in mid- August.  And with this news means our handy daddy will be out of  commission from all honey-do projects for around 3 months :(

Before Dan goes under the knife, we've got one more project to tackle. Our closet. It's a great closet, by the way. Plenty big. Only one major problem... Our 12 year old bulldog decided to pee all over the carpet.  Harley - God bless him, is old and confused.  Despite going outside to pee ALL THE TIME, he thinks our bathroom, (and now apparently our closet) is fair game.  Not cool Harley... not cool.

Long story short, we pulled up the carpet this weekend and decided to do a little mini closet makeover. New floor, paint, and shelves. Nothing too fancy - but an improvement all the same.  In the process, we had to pull out all of our clothes so we could paint.  Pulling out those clothes and shoes was like looking into a window of my past.  Mainly because my new "wardrobe" - if you want to call it that, consists of the following:

1) yoga pants (long, short, mainly black)
2) boyfriend jean shorts (I have two pair that I alternate - one baggier than the other.  No man on the planet likes these - but they sure are comfy)
3) tank tops
4) sports bras
5) maxi skirt
6) t-shirts from Target and Old Navy

Talk about keeping it real.  If you've hung out with me lately - you know that I'm really not exaggerating. I truly only wear those six items.  Two years ago, I didn't repeat an outfit more than once every month - maybe two if I was creative.  But hey, priorities change. And now my priority is trying to keep my children nourished, safe and entertained. That agenda doesn't require any bit of fancy clothing.  In fact, stretchy pants work much better in this occupation.  So the question becomes, what to do with all of the "other" clothes?  The cute dresses, tops, blazers, skirts, trousers, etc? Do I hold onto them hoping that when I find my way back into some sort of work situation, they're still stylish, or do I donate them and declutter my life?  It's a tough call.  Something I think many of us have to deal with when we suddenly find ourselves in a completely different reality than only a few years before.  Getting rid of the clothes almost feels like closing a chapter of my life.  That may sound cliche to some, but it's true. Those clothes took me places. Business travel, client meetings, presentations... you name it, they were there. 

For me, I think I may just have to go with the hoarder side of my personality and hold onto most of them.  I think I'll give up the stuff that's completely toast, but keep a bit of my past for a while longer. And, as my mom would say, "If you would go to church more often, you would have a place to wear all those clothes!" And she's right.  I'd also like to go out on more date nights too :) 

Fingers crossed that the renovation will be finished by next month! Will have to post pics once we're finished.