Let me back up a little...
I sort of fell into advertising. I was 24, looking for something better than my current job and quite honestly, desperate for a change. The next 7 years were a blur. A fun, exciting, stimulating, exhausting, anxiety-ridden, yet satisfying blur. I advanced up the ladder, helping move my family into new tax brackets. I also made lifelong friendships with like-minded people who understood who I was and where I wanted to be.
Then, suddenly (well, not so sudden actually), Caroline Lane Luckett came into our lives. And of course she had to make an entrance. In the form of a rare (1 in 20K) metabolic disorder that required round the clock feedings and protection from illness (aka daycares) during her first year. THAT was tough. Not expected. Didn't fit into my "plan" of enrolling her in one of the nicest day cares money could buy. Instead, we were fortunate enough to have family that came to the rescue. Taking care of my sweet one while I was trying to maintain solid ground in my career. Over the course of the next nine months, I found myself in a CONSTANT struggle. Working with a team who either had another parent at home taking care of the children, or didn't have children at home waiting to be fed, bathed and put to bed by dear old mama. So, when meetings that started at 4:30 and went on for a few hours weren't a big deal before kids, they became a huge issue now. Because don't forget, hubby has a career too. I think they call it "co parenting", aka "who's on first?"
And if you're not in someone else's shoes, you just don't understand. I certainly didn't understand before I had kids. When I was a bright eyed 20 something with career in the forefront, I didn't get it when I saw other women jet out the door at 5 PM. I thought they were (gasp) slacking! Before kids, I was always the one at the office late, discussing strategy, or willing to go to happy hour to celebrate someone coming, going, or getting a year older. I traveled like it was no big deal, gone week after week for client needs. I remember one of my favorite bosses saying (jokingly of course), "It's in your contract that you can't get pregnant." And all kidding aside, he knew. He knew that in our job, it was a true challenge to be a mom and meet the expectations set forth on the account team.
So, with little fanfare, my time in advertising came to a close two years ago last month and I was thrust into a new world of the "stay at home mom". While not a completely natural transition for me, I traded anxiety and stress with complete exhaustion and desire to find reasons to wear makeup. I find that while your hands and feet have little time for extra curriculars, your mind is open to the wild west of possibility. I'm constantly thinking about home improvements, parties, playdates, recipes, and organization. Most things I never get to - but it doesn't stop my brain from going there. I was so starved for intellect last fall, that I actually enjoyed helping Dan with his first semester of grad school!
Fast forward two years and two kids later - here I am. Still at home. Now wondering, what's next for me? I see my friends climbing the ladder, making it work - both in parenting and career. And while I haven't found the answer yet, I do know one thing. I'll never have it all. Said differently, as a mother, I'll never feel like I'm all things to everyone at the same time. I will always have to make choices. This however, doesn't mean I can't be happy. Happiness is a choice we make EVERY day. And I find solace in prayer. Prayers that God will lead me in the direction I need to be - just like he did 2 years ago.
To my friends that are making it all work - juggling home and career - I applaud you. I truly, sincerely do. Because it's probably the hardest job. To my friends who stay at home, Bless you! Patience is a virtue my friends. May we be patient and tender with our sweet ones because time is precious... just like this picture :)
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